Growing Pains

Being a new parent is an exciting and scary time. Somehow, they allowed you to leave the hospital with this baby and you aren’t sure you are ready to be alone with it. Goal #1 – keep baby alive. To do that, there are so many things to know and do; it’s easy to get overwhelmed. As your baby grows, it is important they meet certain developmental milestones – but what are they exactly and how do you know if they are meeting them? Many new parents assume “someone will tell me if there is a concern” but you know your baby best, trust your gut. When Clinton County children aren’t able to meet their developmental milestones they can be referred to the Early Intervention Program or the Preschool Special Education Program. They provide services that assist in the growth and development of eligible children and their families. To help navigate all things development and how to best help your child meet their milestones, we have enlisted the help of Alexis Grennan. Alexis is a Children’s Services Program Specialist who works with families in CCHD’s Early Intervention Program.

Alexis, what are you noticing are the most common habits in new parents you wish you could change?

Let me start by saying that as a parent myself, I am not perfect! If I could go back to when I had my first child there are absolutely things I would do differently. When we know better we do better. Luckily, many of the habits I see the most are simple fixes.

Habit 1: Assuming your child is too little to communicate.

The first three years are prime brain development time. One of the best things you can do as a parent is talk to your baby. Look into their sweet faces and tell them a story. Tell them about your day, or what you’re making for dinner. They won’t be able to respond for a while, but they’re learning language, speech, and socialization skills from day one. Listening to your child is just as important as talking to them. As they’re building language skills you may struggle to understand them, but have conversations with them anyway! Babbling is an infant’s way of talking and exploring those vocal sounds that will eventually turn into words. Validating your child when they’re communicating with you will help build their self-esteem and your relationship with them.

Habit 2: Spending too much time in a container.

Parents are busy and, as much as we would LOVE to, we can’t spend every waking hour loving on our babies. We have dinner to make, housework, self-care (yes, this is important for new parents!), all while we make sure our little ones are staying out of danger. If you have to put your child in some sort of container (seat, swing, carseat or otherwise) it should be used very minimally. Keep them close by so you can squeeze in some language skills and talk to them while you’re getting your tasks done!

Habit 3: Not doing enough tummy time.

Tummy time is one of the most important things you can do for your child because it is connected to other areas of development. I often hear, “My baby HATES tummy time,” which I don’t doubt. There are more ways to accomplish tummy time than just putting them on their tummy. You also don’t have to do all your tummy time in one shot – small moments throughout the day add up. CCHD has some great resources and ideas for Tummy Time based on your child’s age.

Habit 4: Too much screen time.

When you think about it, putting a screen of any kind in front of your child falls under “containing” them. This is a battle every parent, including myself, deals with. Just like exersaucers, swings, car seats, bouncers, etc. there is a time and place for screens. It disheartens me to see families out to dinner or even shopping and the kids are plugged in. Those are prime times for socialization, take advantage of it! 

Keeping your new baby happy and healthy is the goal of all new parents. What can they do to encourage appropriate development as baby grows?

Children’s development is broken up into 5 domains or areas: physical/motor, cognitive, social/emotional, communication, and adaptive. Each domain is independent, but they also overlap with one another.

Physical/Motor: Includes fine motor, gross motor, vision, hearing, sensory development, oral motor feeding, and swallowing disorders. Ways to support growth include offering opportunities for your child to move around safely. Take the cushions off the couch and let them climb all over them. Put them on the floor with toys just out of reach for tummy time, crawling, and sitting. Once walking keep the area safe and clear so they can learn to navigate their environment. Let them color with crayons and hold utensils to help strengthen their grip.

Cognitive: Includes the child’s awareness and attention, thinking and problem solving, as well as the ability to formulate concepts. To encourage development parents and caretakers can play games like “peek-a-boo.” When your baby drops something on the floor, pick it up and give it back to them to explore cause and effect. Puzzles are great for problem solving, spacial awareness, and fine motor skills.  Allow them time to try to figure out a problem on their own and give gentle prompts if they get stuck or frustrated.

Social/Emotional: Includes self-awareness, self-regulation, and interaction with people and the environment. One of the best ways to support development is to model appropriate reactions and behaviors. Listen to your child when they are upset and use a calm voice to help soothe them. Play games that involve turn taking and sharing. Encourage them to try new things so they can discover what they’re capable of. Give them opportunities to interact with people of all ages in a variety of environments.

Communication: Includes pre-linguistic behavior, the use & understanding of language & the development of sounds & speech, including articulation & fluency. One great way to encourage development is to listen to your child. This can be tricky with infants because they can’t “tell” us what they need, but you’ll start to pick up on different cries and noises that mean specific things. When we meet those needs it teaches your baby that you understand them. Also, talking to your child is essential. You are their best teacher, so use clear language so they are learning the correct way to make those sounds. Play with them by making silly sounds.

Adaptive: Includes daily living skills and coping ability. Parents can encourage development by allowing their children to practice daily living skills like feeding themselves, getting dressed and undressed, and washing hands. Teach them healthy routines early on. This is helpful for those times where they’re expected to do something specific like sit for a meal, get dressed for the day, take a bath, and get ready for bed. Children often seek structure and routine, so trying to maintain that as much as possible can help prevent frustration. Don’t be afraid to tell them “no!” They are learning boundaries at this age and will be able to cope much better if they are taught what they are allowed to do and not to do early on.

How will I know if there is a concern with my child’s development or if I am being overprotective?

As parents, we often compare our children to other people’s children, or even our own children to each other. I hear a lot of parents say things like, “My oldest was talking so much at this age, but my youngest just doesn’t have as many words!” It’s natural to see other children and notice the differences between them and your own. The most important thing to remember is that every child will develop on their own time. My oldest reached most of his motor milestones right on time, but his speech was on the later end. My youngest, on the other hand, was verbal very early on, but on the later end with motor. They both got where they needed to go, but took different paths. That being said, there are specific age ranges that most children meet milestones. The CDC is a great resource that gives a quick snapshot of where your child falls within their development. This is not an evaluating tool, but it is a quick scan to get an idea of whether or not your child would benefit from a full evaluation to determine whether they have a developmental delay and qualify for Early Intervention services.

Do you have any tips for bringing up concerns you have with your child’s development at their next well visit?

Be open and honest about what you are seeing in your child. Doctors are wonderful resources, but they only get a snapshot of your child. You are their best advocate, so don’t hesitate to mention concerns. Make sure to jot down any advice they give you and ask for printouts if that’s possible. Some offices have specialists on hand to help with more specific concerns, such as behaviors and nutrition. If the pediatrician doesn’t seem to think there is a concern, but you still do, then you can call Early Intervention to make the referral yourself.

And if my child does need a little help, what happens next?

First step is to get your little one referred. That’s the easy part because anyone can make a referral to Early Intervention. (hyperlink) The Early Intervention Steps Chart (below/right/left) helps to explain the process. Questions? Contact program staff at 518-565-4848.

Top 3 things to remember.

1. There is not such thing as a perfect parent. Give yourself grace to make mistakes as you go and strive to support and encourage your child's development.
2. Everything in moderation! Screens, Swings, Bouncers, pacifiers, play pens, etc. have their place, but it should all be used minimally.
3. Love your child enough to tell them "no". Children need boundaries, and often seek them out.