The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

The holiday season brings with it nostalgia, excitement, joy and (sometimes) comfort. Let’s face it, it’s hard not to feel something when the neighborhood is lit up at night. Combine high expectations, with loneliness, stress or grief and it is no longer the most wonderful time of the year. In fact, NAMI reports that 24% of people with mental illness report the holidays make their conditions worse. Now, the holiday blues are different from mental illness, but even short-term mental health problems need to be taken seriously. They can lead to bigger things down the road. With us fresh off of Thanksgiving and the delight (and dysfunction) that can bring, this month we enlisted the help of our friend Richelle Gregory. Richelle is the Director of Community Services at Clinton County Mental Health and Addiction Services.

Richelle, what make the holidays a difficult time for so many of us?

The holiday season brings on additional stress for many of us. Family commitments, financial pressure and an overbooked social calendar can be overwhelming. There can also be feelings of social isolation, loneliness or memories that can be triggering. Remember the family feud last year? We also tend to change our normal routines and routines often help us stay healthy. We can skip the exercise and put it on our New Year’s Resolution list, right? Sleep patterns may be different due to fun times with family or friends, travel, office parties, worrying or staying up late to wrap presents. Santa does not do all the work himself. You may have a few extra cocktails or indulge in a few more sugary treats than you usually would. Another New Year’s Resolution or two? Some may avoid typical social situations or family members. Any combination can contribute to a negative impact on our mental wellness. Social media provides unrealistic expectations and people strive to create a perfect holiday that is not achievable (without filters).

What sort of internal, and external, symptoms or feelings should we be on the lookout for?

We all experience stress and feeling overwhelmed in different ways – but we know ourselves best. If you are noticing a change in your behavior that has a negative impact on you and those around you, you should pay attention. Yelling at the kids? Rolling your eyes more frequently? Honking the horn more? Some things that you may notice during the holiday season that you should pay attention to include difficulty concentrating, completing tasks, changes in sleeping or increases in feelings of loneliness or depression. Communicate with your family or supports and give them permission to let you know that your behavior is different. 

What can we do leading up to the major holidays to keep ourselves in a good place mentally and emotionally?

The best thing to do is plan for situations that you find stressful or contribute to feelings that are negative. Creating healthy boundaries and realistic expectations around social and financial commitments is really helpful. Do you need to buy presents for your 12 nieces and nephews? Maybe have your family draw names instead, then you only have to focus on one person each year and can get something more personal and thoughtful. If you find a family social gathering to be stressful, make a plan to minimize the time that you are staying and communicate that with your family or friends.   Create a calendar to plan activities and tasks to be done with reasonable time, fit your needs and don’t overcommit.  Include trusted family, friends or support networks on your calling list and make dates for coffee or phone calls with people that you find supportive. Include walking the dog, naps, exercise, reading, watching a movie and things that are only for you that make you feel better in your calendar. Try to stay with your regular routines and get good sleep. If you need to cancel on someone, leave an event early or decrease your gift giving, give yourself permission to do it. You can make a permission slip for yourself on what you want to and don’t want to do and sign it.  If you are feeling lonely, plan activities that you can do in the community with others. There are community dinners and volunteering opportunities available that will occupy your time, give opportunity for socialization and have a positive impact on you and other people.  

What can I do in the moment, when the kids are screaming, my credit cards are maxed out and I’m feeling guilty for not being present with my family?

Accept your feelings and take a break. It is okay to know your limits and it’s better for you and those around you if you take a few minutes to yourself to regroup. Breathing exercises really help in the moment to ground you and decrease feelings of stress. If you have a family member, friend or someone else in the house and kids are screaming, try tag teaming and tapping out for a few minutes. Your family will feel you are more present if you take a few minutes to de-stress and come back to the moment, rather than you continuing to be stressed and stay in the situation.  Communication is the key and it is okay to say to your family or friends; “I am feeling overwhelmed”, “I am feeling stressed”, “I am feeling sad” and “I need a few minutes to myself”. This models healthy communication and strategies for your whole family. It is also okay to ask for help from those around you, including children. Focus on the moment and only one thing at a time. 

And if I can’t seem to get a handle on it? Or it hangs around longer than the mistletoe? Then what?

The 988 Lifeline is available for calls and texts 24/7 when you or someone you are concerned about is experiencing a mental health crisis. This number will connect you with a crisis counselor, someone who can chat and provide you with resources.  Locally, we have several agencies that are here to help for ongoing behavioral health support. Clinton County Mental Health and Addictions, National Alliance on Mental Illness-Champlain Valley, Champlain Valley Family Center and Behavioral Health Services North are some of the local services that have walk-in hours and services in our community. 

Top 3 things to remember.

1. Create realistic plans and set limits with your time and finances.
2. Anticipate stressful situations and have a support system in place or an escape plan.
3. Honor yourself and your time above pleasing others; don’t compare yourself to social media posts.